Gratitude

After the best wedding I have ever been to (my own!), my brand new shiny husband and I were off to our romantic paradise-like honeymoon in Bali!

Colleagues, friends and family alike had all informed us of how wonderful this Island is. It's affordable, fun, great weather, beautiful, cheap food, markets, you'll love it they said, it's paradise.

We arrived at Den Pesar Airport at 10.00pm, where we were ushered out and into the humid and extremely crowded carpark where were advised to wait in broken English. My husband and I did as we were told and silently stood, clutching our bags while dozens of porters offered through waving gestures and big smiles to take our bags. We politely declined, as Cam and I aren't great in crowds, we clutched our bags and each others hands a little tighter.

A shiny new Suzuki pulled up with our Villa name Kayu Raja (Wood of the King) appearing on all sides. Breathe.

What a sight is Bali traffic? Once we had climbed into the people mover, the doors locked! Through our heavily tinted windows we witnessed hundreds of heavy passengered scooters and small motor bikes, some carrying babies or toddlers, even dead/sleeping chickens.

Yep, that's a chicken on the bottom left...

One moment I shall never forget about our first evening in Bali, was when were in our first traffic jam, surrounded by a sea of heavily clad two wheeled family movers and locked people movers full of bemused or seasoned Bali travelling Westerners. While we we stopped in said jam, we heard a gentle tap on my car window. "Do not open the window." piped the driver. I glanced through my dark window to see a young girl all of nine (my daughter's age) peering back at me. "They want money, do not open the window, they all come." stated the driver. Behind the young girl, amongst the sea of bikes stood many other children and young women.... They want money....

Paradise.Tears.

We arrived at Villa Kayu Raja after driving through unsealed pot-hole covered back streets, with our locked car doors and the image of someone's daughter, begging for money. 5 star accommodation didn't feel right.

Wood of the Kings

The following morning after our 5 star king size bed, air conditioning and weird "where the hell am I?" post sleep in new bad panic, my shiny new husband and I ventured to our breakfast. This is where my view on holidays and experiences altered.

Nengah.

We met him the previous evening when we had our lonely meal in the Kayu Raja restaurant. Nengah was our waiter, he was in his thirties and was married, travelled over an hour and a half each day to and from work. He had a seven year old son who he could afford to send to school. His son was learning English because as part of 210 million odd Indonesian population with no Government assistance, speaking English will get you a job in Indonesia.

Our new friend Nengah!

That single conversation with Nengah altered my initial shock of Bali's in your face poverty, streets in disrepair, overcrowded motor bikes and visible waste.

He looked at life with love, positivity, opportunity and gratitude.

Personally, I had wondered in those very short twelve hours what impact the introduction of tourism and Westerners to Bali, whether it was negative based on the visible rubbish and Westernisation of such an ancient culture and what that could possible mean for future generations, whether like in Western cultures, albeit mainly through tourism, the rich will get richer and the get poorer. Or is tourism having a positive impact in Bali? Creating jobs and futures for families with each new generation thanks to the strong Western dollar and accompanying lifestyle.

Opportunity for work through tourism

     

Gen Y Balinese boys working in tourism!

Understanding that Nengah felt grateful for tourism and visibly took his job seriously helped us enjoy our holiday, but in a different way. We offered gratitude to all who made our holiday so wonderful. We had an acoustic foursome make a point of singing popular songs for each culture, a ditty by Crowded House for the family from New Zealand, a Bob Marley song for the Jamaican couple and R.E.M. for us.... We didn't dare inform them that us pasty folk were from Australia!

An acoustic foursome playing R.E.M in  strong Balinese accents

Sweet sweet harmonies

 

I loved his symbol on a stick!

Throughout our vacation, we continued to bare witness to the love and gratitude from the locals, whether it be from offering extra tips and not bartering down to the last 10,000 Rupiahs (1 Australian dollar). We were happily offering extra, and thanking merchants.

One particular shop assistant was outside her boutique clothing shop with one of the many stray dogs in Bali. I asked her if it was her dog. "No." she replied "I feed her chicken meatballs every morning because she is a new mother.". 

Beautiful shop assistant and her stray canine friend

We watched a traditional Balinese dance, which when mixed with Western culture, morphed into a pantomime, complete with overacting and I can only assume a lot of improvisation. It was hilariously confusing.

Beautiful traditional Balinese dancers

The pantomime begins...

They were so well rehearsed, they could play with eyes closed

These wonderful chaps were in the crowd!

We took the opportunity to thank the performers and have a quick picture taken with them!

The cast!

A sombre moment was captured when one of the performers was taking a breather. It occurred to me that the performers worked seven days a week, four shows a day. No days off. No sick leave, holiday pay, over time.

A sombre moment

We met and rode on a Sumatran elephant Gigi with her trainer Suwandi. Suwandi has been Gigi's trainer for ten years. They are both originally from Sumatra's Elephant rescue sanctuary and moved to Bali's Elephant Safari Elephant Rescue centre. Suwandi stated that he will always stay with Gigi "She is like my wife!". We were a wee reserved about visiting the Sanctuary, however the treatment of the saved elephants warmed our hearts.

Suwandi and his wife, me and my husband!

Magnificent Gigi

So after our initial shock of the poverty and crowds of modern Bali, we thoroughly enjoyed the moments we shared, with eachother and the locals, animals and scenery. The gratitude, love and respect we witnessed.

Just a couple of cows in mid town Seminyak

Local pregnant cat quietly begging for food

Stray dog window shopping

Four beautiful girls

A female monkey opening nuts

Cam and his new pals!

The Challenge

I've had time to digest living with only kindness enveloping my every decision.

Strangely (and cliche-ingly) I have come to understand myself a smidge more. I know that I am not perfect. I understand that it takes a lot of work and concentration to be kind twenty four hours a day. (Enter emotionally exhausted smiley face here).

There were times where I was quite hard on myself for not being this almighty kind human being. Every. Minute. Of. Every. Waking. Hour. So much as I fear I was becoming somewhat of a kindness martyr (gasp!).

Pull back kind human!

Striving to become an individual who has nothing but love for all is a damn hard gig.

Again, not perfect. I slipped. I found myself falling back into old 'narky' habits of negativity and despair for those who do not fit my mold of thoughtfulness, mindfulness, empathy and love, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.

I have learnt that as individuals we all (mostly) make quite a lovely planet to live on. I (with my head in the clouds) yearn to trust that we all desire life happiness, in whichever configuration it presents itself. It's the confusing road we choose to take with the hope that our GPS isn't on the blink, that ultimately (in my opinion) will bring us to the our ultimate sub-conscience goal.

I think. I hope.

I observe however,  the sadness, desperation of those others who do not exist in an environment of happiness, peace and calm. Those who strive for blessedness, however struggle through a life of warfare, famine, homelessness, helplessness. Battling to comprehend the 'whys' and 'hows' of such atrocities. Such questions I have discovered (frustratingly) at times, have no answers.

My  partner and I often discuss the ridiculous pantomime of a silly little planet we exist on. The  humans all playing their roles, some knowing their lines, others relying on the help of a carefully placed director all the while believing that the narrator will 'get it right' to ensure the production is flawless, a success. I am learning to not assume that this amateur performance will 'go off without a hitch'. There will be mistakes, actors will 'freeze', forget lines, some will dance out of time, the narrator will become distracted, it's what the production does as a whole does in the face of a hiccup that creates the  success!
 
Deep huh?

Was the 'Kill It With Kindness Challenge' a success?

Yes. Fundamentally, I have arrived at the realization that I am an imperfect, over-analyzingly, kind human, which is quite the head wobble conclusion. Choosing actions based on benevolence and understanding wasn't a huge stretch for me. This whole life business is in fact, a 'journey' (there, I said it).

All in all I am a 4 out of 6!

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

Day 4 Kill It With Kindness Challenge

Day four starts off much the same as day three.

Samurai warrior rampage has spread to the floor and walk in robe (?) 
*See days one, two and three of challenge.*

I clumsily throw my left leg over the edge of the bed, my foot thuds onto the plush carpeted floor, this is followed by the second thud of my other sleepy hoof. Slowly I lift up my body as my drowsy torso slumps over my heavy legs for a moment...... Or four.

Not deterred, I straighten up and through itchy eyes, fumble my way towards the bathroom in search of eye drops, anti histamines all the while yearning for a non puffy reflection.... Not today...

Here we go!

Not so early.






Quick school drop off.

Toot toot toot.

Work.



Whew, made it.

Music! Yes, music soothes me. I prop my phone up at my desk and select shuffle on my pre-selected "Sunday" playlist. The dulcet sounds of Damien Rice, Katie Noonan and Lucy Schwartz fill the air, my head and my disposition.

I organize my day, sort my work load, plan my breaks... Today will be a splendidly fun day! "Dang I'm good!".

Yet again, my day runs well. I smile, chortle, go the extra mile.

I (ridiculously) make the rash decision to not take my lunch break today and work right through until I leave for the day. Me thinks that was not a clever idea. I become ever so slightly flustered, my eye may or may not have been twitching and I may or may not have unkindly dropped the "F" bomb under my breath.

Oops.

I take a step back, breathe, start again.

Smile.

I casually allow fellow drivers merge into my lane without the lane racing dance that ever so frequently occurs during the daily peak hour (humans in cars are ridiculous) commute.

Home. Sweet. Home.

Family dinner, we discuss our favourite parts of our day. Playing with friends and having fun are the main focus (and that's just Cam!).

I watch some telly (that's television for all you intellectually well spoken humans) and watch a program about a wealthy family from the UK sponsoring another family who is under the national poverty line. The kindness of strangers.... The families had never met. The selfless, kind gift moved me to tears, gigantic blubbering snotty faced tears.

Alas, today I slipped back into old habits.

Today I am a 3 out of 6.

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

Day 3 Kill It With Kindness Challenge

 Day three starts off much the same as day two, however, this time the stealth Samurai warrior tissues have multiplied, the war-zone carnage has stretched long and far within the realms of my hay-fevery crib
(It is at this point that I am becoming concerned with my snotty night time antics).
 
I clumsily throw my left leg over the edge of the bed, my foot thuds onto the plush carpeted floor, this is followed by the second thud of my other sleepy hoof. Slowly I lift up my body as my drowsy torso slumps over my heavy legs for a moment...... Or four.

Not deterred, I straighten up and through itchy eyes, fumble my way towards the bathroom in search of eye drops, anti histamines all the while yearning for a non puffy reflection.... Not today...

Here we go!

Early.

School drop off.


Toot.

Work.

Music! Yes, music soothes me. I prop my phone up at my desk and select shuffle on my pre-selected "Sunday" playlist. The dulcet sounds of Damien Rice, Katie Noonan and Lucy Schwartz fill the air, my head and my disposition.

My mood is lifted, I feel a sense of organizational problem solving coming on! My day runs smoothly and quickly. Much to my bosses surprise (and delight) I buy him Japanese for lunch. "This tastes alright eh!" he exclaims blissfully between mouthfuls of Tori Don (I think he enjoyed it!).

I still have my swagger, however added to said stride is a ridiculous grin. During my lunch break I smile at strangers and am offered a discount when I pick up my lunch (and boss-man's). Happiness MUST be contagious!

Upon returning to work, offering boss-man his feast I choose to lovingly and kindly mop the showroom floor, not part of my job description, however, this is not an issue.

I arrive home for a spell to feed our fabulous furry family members (no, not the children!), I notice our newest family member Pippy (or as Noah calls her - "Bucket-Head") who has recently been de-sexed has an inflamed area around her stitches. A visit to her vet is in order. I wait ever so patiently as she didn't have an appointment and we are seen to by a delightfully obvious animal loving veterinarian, we have a chat I thank her ever so much for seeing Pippy on short notice. Luckily Pippy's issue was easily fixed (I won't go into details for those of you of the squeamish elk).

We are not charged for the visit! How kind!   

Home.

Weekly dinner date (or as we call it "Free food Wednesday!") at my future In-Laws house with the little humans and outstanding partner Cam.

Home.

Today I am an ever so happy 5 out of 6!

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

Day 2 Kill It With Kindness Challenge

Day two starts off much the same as day one. This time however, it would seem in my slumber I was attacked by a plague of tissues. (For the purpose of this blog and to build the excitement, the tissues were in fact Samurais) The shredded remains of the thin yet noble papery Japanese soldiers suggests to me that I have in fact won this battle.

I clumsily throw my left leg over the edge of the bed, my foot thuds onto the plush carpeted floor, this is followed by the second thud of my other sleepy hoof. Slowly I lift up my body as my drowsy torso slumps over my heavy legs for a moment...... Or four.

Not deterred, I straighten up and through itchy eyes, fumble my way towards the bathroom in search of eye drops, anti hystermines all the while yearning for a non puffy reflection.... Not today...

Here we go!

Early.

School drop off.

Toot.

Work.

All is well, I work using loving kindness, task by task. I am calm, happy, my day is fast. I share a laugh at inappropriate jokes with the lads at work, I complete my work day and I feel on top of the world!

This Dalai Lama bloke is definitely on to something! 

I have developed a swagger.... Not a cocky one, more a comfortable bouncy stride. I frolick (ok, slightly over the top) to my car for the glorious commute home.

A supermarket visit is on the cards, joyfully I swagger through the isles, I am not tempted to purchase anything other that what we as a family need as a basic, this in itself is moderately unusual. Bumping into my gloriously delightful future father in law, we share a laugh, a Dad joke and I listen contently as he again advises me of the latest bargain he has successfully acquired. We bid our goodbyes and I'm off to the checkout.

Happily I offer the flustered mother box overflowing with items and her banana smeared toddler tugging her banana smeared skirt to step ahead of me in the cashier queue. She smiles, plonks her impulse inspired spoils onto the counter and gives her sticky smiley son a loving squeeze.

She offers me another "Thanks darl!" as her miniature partner and her depart the store.

Today I am a 4 out of 6!

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

Day 1 Kill it With Kindness Challenge...

Monday 12 November, 2012

After making the decision last night to wake up extra early this morning, imagine my horror to realize at 6.45am that I had in fact not activated the alarm for the brick hour of 6.00am as my wake up time.


I clumsily throw my left leg over the edge of the bed, my foot thuds onto the plush carpeted floor, this is followed by the second thud of my other sleepy hoof. Slowly I lift up my body as my drowsy torso slumps over my heavy legs for a moment...... Or four.

Deep breath, "Oiye, what a night" I think to myself, having woken up four times throughout my slumber from the dreaded yearly bout of allergy asthma.

Not deterred, I straighten up and through itchy eyes, fumble my way towards the bathroom in search of eye drops, anti hystermines all the while yearning for a non puffy reflection.... Not today...

This is where I would generally have a wee chat to myself, a pep talk if you will.

Todays chat is to not sweat the small stuff, as I have been lacking sleep of late and working a large number of hours, I can feel myself becoming quite agitated and easily confused and flustered, basically, I feel like shit.

My forced mantra today has earned more importance as I am challenging myself to exist in loving-kindness for the day, or in the wise words of Bron "Kill it with kindness".

Here goes....

The morning runs smoothly, we are out the door in record time. Pulling in to the curb at the childrens' school, we are all in a splendidly happy mood, high fives and loving goodbyes are followed with a happy toot from my car as I head to work. "I'm really good at this." I praise myself joyfully.

As I casually plod along in the traffic, I notice two things, 1) I am clear of head, maybe even a little cocky 2) a minority of other commuters are in a rush, speeding, cutting others off in their lanes, running red lights, to name a few. How foolish.

This makes me smile. Why? Well, because I chose to start my day in such a happy, calm manner, plus I am superbly early today, which is a rare occurrence.

Rare. Occurrence.

This is where I decide to perform my first random act of kindness. (Cracks loving-kindness filled knuckles). I let people who are pushing in the queue to, well, push into (where I am able) my lane. Their reactions vary, many wave acknowledgement, some do not, however one particular woman offers an exaggerated wave and a smile, of which I excitedly return, she then awkwardly looks away. Allowing others into the queue of stop and start, did not affect me in any way, as if I hadn't allowed them in, they would quite possibly have nudged their way in causing some agitation to their fellow commuters., possibly 'flipping the bird' or banging their steering wheel in a wild frenzy with the their flailing late for work I'll kill you if you look at me hands.

Now, you may think this act of kindness was not a big deal, however I believe rather than myself becoming frustrated with the actions of others, changing the way I act in fact transformed my emotions and quite possibly others... Who knows... Besides, I feel superbly kind and/or loving!

The rest of my day is going well, until I begin to slip, I allow myself to become flustered, my work load is large and I do not take the time with loving kindness to combat my work task by task. Through gritted I apologize to the abusive disgruntled customers with love and ($%^@#^%$&) kindness.  I come across as somewhat abrupt during one conversation with a co-worker, I quickly pull back and regain composure, apologize to my colleague and start again. It would be apparent, I have a fair way to go.

I realize today, how easy it is to fall into the trap of frustration. It's going to take some practice to zone into the kindness choice as a matter of natural behaviour. I am insanely human, and naturally I revert back to frustration at others when under mounting pressure and severe lack of sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

*Wakes!*

Today I give myself a score of 3 out of 6.

 

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

 

Daily challenge November....

 So, I've been thinking right, all this kindness business has been swimming laps in my mind of late. I've read many, many articles on how kindness can not only have psychological benefits on oneself, but can also positively impact ones health, as many ailments can be adversely effected or even triggered by stress.




http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1018700829825?LI=true#page-2


http://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-practice/compassion-and-loving-kindness/intentional-acts-of-kindness

Stress can be both negative and positive:


Positive Stressors.

An upcoming wedding.

A new job

A new house 

A new baby

A promotion 


Negative Stressors.

Not getting enough sleep of a night

A job interview

A disagreement with a loved one

An illness in the family/yourself

Stress is within us all, but I have found, I combat stress by understanding what the stressors are and finding a solution that best suits the issue.

It took me to become quite physically ill to understand the above statement. Through years of childhood stress, adolescent stress into adult stress, I realized that I carried it all with me, only adding it to the pile of already pushed aside issues.


Sound familiar?

What does stress have to do with kindness?

I only speak from my own experiences. In my own life stressors have been and still are mostly positive and only a handful of negative. Take my current life situation, the stressors and the effects. When I feel overwhelmed by one situation or a series of uncontrollable events, I take a moment, pause and with loving-kindness think it through. The stress subsides and clarity is unveiled, I can deal with what is in front of me. The kinder I am, the less unhinged I feel.


It came to the point that although I was smiling on the outside and having a laff, the built up stress was taking it's toll on my wee body. Don't get me wrong, I was happy... Just exhausted on the inside.

I've always managed (as part of who I am naturally I guess) to look on the bright side of life (cue Monty Python montage), however internally feel shaken and stressed to a certain extent.

I discovered the wonderful world of yoga and meditation only this year. To me, it makes sense. To be at one with yourself, your body.

Don't worry, I'm not getting all new-age on you. Quite simply, I now get it.... I think....
 
Loving-kindness.... Our emotions are shaped by our hearts, we almost automatically follow our well trodden emotional path when faced with issues within ourselves, with the people we know, to the ones we will never know (ie the man/woman who cuts you off dangerously in traffic).

When faced with a stressful work situation just over twelve months ago, where a co-worker behaved aggressively towards a career decision I had made, I was faced with a situation in which I felt stunned, somewhat confused and and extremely saddened by the reaction.

"Kill it with kindness!" exclaimed Bron, a friend of mine, when I voiced my concerns to her with my co-workers behaviour.

"Kill it with kindness." Quite the statement. It made little sense to me at the time, however, kindly, I carried on, delightfully chirping my salutations and whims towards my annoyed colleague. All the while feeling uneasy with the continued unrest from said party.

Only now, do I truly understand Bron's statement. Not only should *I* be kind, I should send my kind thoughts to all around me.

This (kindly) brings me to a wee social experiment... For myself.

The rules are as follows:

* I am to perform one or more random acts of kindness every day for the next four days
* The random acts can be large or small, I don't have to save an entire family from a house fire (although that would be amazing!) but a simple act can benefit someone elses day... simple.
* At the end of each day, I will note down each act and document how I feel using the following scale

Excited	6
Happy	5
At Ease	4
Meh	3
A wee frazzled	2
Overwhelmed	1

* By the end of the week I will have a better idea of whether performing these random acts of kindness benefit not only the recipient, but my true self and the domino effect
it could potentially have on all those around me... After all, kindness is contagious..

This is merely a self evaluation, not to feel good about myself, nay, but to just, well.... feel good! 


 Wish me luck!