After making the decision last night to wake up extra early this morning, imagine my horror to realize at 6.45am that I had in fact not activated the alarm for the brick hour of 6.00am as my wake up time.
I clumsily throw my left leg over the edge of the bed, my foot thuds onto the plush carpeted floor, this is followed by the second thud of my other sleepy hoof. Slowly I lift up my body as my drowsy torso slumps over my heavy legs for a moment...... Or four.
Deep breath, "Oiye, what a night" I think to myself, having woken up four times throughout my slumber from the dreaded yearly bout of allergy asthma.
Not deterred, I straighten up and through itchy eyes, fumble my way towards the bathroom in search of eye drops, anti hystermines all the while yearning for a non puffy reflection.... Not today...
This is where I would generally have a wee chat to myself, a pep talk if you will.
Todays chat is to not sweat the small stuff, as I have been lacking sleep of late and working a large number of hours, I can feel myself becoming quite agitated and easily confused and flustered, basically, I feel like shit.
My forced mantra today has earned more importance as I am challenging myself to exist in loving-kindness for the day, or in the wise words of Bron "Kill it with kindness".
Here goes....
The morning runs smoothly, we are out the door in record time. Pulling in to the curb at the childrens' school, we are all in a splendidly happy mood, high fives and loving goodbyes are followed with a happy toot from my car as I head to work. "I'm really good at this." I praise myself joyfully.
As I casually plod along in the traffic, I notice two things, 1) I am clear of head, maybe even a little cocky 2) a minority of other commuters are in a rush, speeding, cutting others off in their lanes, running red lights, to name a few. How foolish.
This makes me smile. Why? Well, because I chose to start my day in such a happy, calm manner, plus I am superbly early today, which is a rare occurrence.
Rare. Occurrence.
This is where I decide to perform my first random act of kindness. (Cracks loving-kindness filled knuckles). I let people who are pushing in the queue to, well, push into (where I am able) my lane. Their reactions vary, many wave acknowledgement, some do not, however one particular woman offers an exaggerated wave and a smile, of which I excitedly return, she then awkwardly looks away. Allowing others into the queue of stop and start, did not affect me in any way, as if I hadn't allowed them in, they would quite possibly have nudged their way in causing some agitation to their fellow commuters., possibly 'flipping the bird' or banging their steering wheel in a wild frenzy with the their flailing late for work I'll kill you if you look at me hands.
Now, you may think this act of kindness was not a big deal, however I believe rather than myself becoming frustrated with the actions of others, changing the way I act in fact transformed my emotions and quite possibly others... Who knows... Besides, I feel superbly kind and/or loving!
The rest of my day is going well, until I begin to slip, I allow myself to become flustered, my work load is large and I do not take the time with loving kindness to combat my work task by task. Through gritted I apologize to the abusive disgruntled customers with love and ($%^@#^%$&) kindness. I come across as somewhat abrupt during one conversation with a co-worker, I quickly pull back and regain composure, apologize to my colleague and start again. It would be apparent, I have a fair way to go.
I realize today, how easy it is to fall into the trap of frustration. It's going to take some practice to zone into the kindness choice as a matter of natural behaviour. I am insanely human, and naturally I revert back to frustration at others when under mounting pressure and severe lack of sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
*Wakes!*
Today I give myself a score of 3 out of 6.
| Excited | 6 |
| Happy | 5 |
| At Ease | 4 |
| Meh | 3 |
| A wee frazzled | 2 |
| Overwhelmed | 1 |
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